sometimes i think, god damn i’m too old for this.


musings @ 12:06 a.m.

for me, dreams are telling. they tell me where i hurt, what i fear, how much i am able to love. they tell me more than i’d ever willingly admit when i’m up and about and skipping or maybe trudging through life. is it possible that i’m even more conscious when i’m asleep? maybe thats why its so hard for me to get to a state of rem. its that protective mechanism that i’ve adopted in order to stay alive. because sometimes, dreams, oh man, they really just rip me apart.


Sometimes we shift almost cataclysmically when events yank our worlds, without apology, from beneath. When we are sent spiraling into that shadowy place — a nook that some fold into unwittingly, addicted. Frequently, we shift subtly, bend intentionally, and struggle hopelessly in response to Life. Eventually, we may evolve to a point where instead of shifting to accommodate, please, or seek, we peacefully return to our most beautiful and natural state, choosing to be nothing more and nothing less than ourselves.


Invictus, by William Ernest Henley

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate:
I am the captain of my soul.

Sweet Darkness, by David Whyte

When your eyes are tired
the world is tired also.
When your vision has gone
no part of the world can find you.
Time to go into the dark
where the night has eyes
to recognize its own.
There you can be sure
you are not beyond love.
The dark will be your womb
The night will give you a horizon
further than you can see.
You must learn one thing:
the world was made to be free in.
Give up all the other worlds
except the one to which you belong.
Sometimes it takes darkness and the sweet
confinement of your aloneness
to learn
anything or anyone
that does not bring you alive
is too small for you.